Secrets : Library Lesson
by Dr.Dalek
Summary: Having caused nothing but death and destruction lately Borusa decides that Theta and Koschei ought to be told a lesson. And sorting out the mess they've caused only seems reasonable. But as the old saying goes: When the tutor's away the students will play... Rather funny one-shot fluff with a hilarious ending. Warnings: M/M, smut and obscene word of choice.


"Theta-Sigma?"  
It was a soft voice that had called his name; but it was underlain by undeniable disappointment.  
A clearing of a throat followed.

Theta rolled his eyes. Instead of bowing he sighed and stepped in front of the large desk.  
Being summoned by your tutor once in a while on account of 'outrageous behaviour' was bad enough but being forth called for the tenth time this month could only mean one thing...

"Ah, Koschei. Please, do step inside."  
The door behind him closed and Theta, whilst staring indifferently at the bookshelves inside of Borusa's bureau, noted Koschei joining his side. Out of the corner of his eye he saw him smirking.  
Of course.  
Koschei meant trouble. And, judging by the pile of complaints on Borusa's desk, he meant _serious_ amounts of trouble.

"Take a seat. Both of you." Borusa arranged the files and folders on top of his desk, adjusting the papers in front of him in what he thought of as a nonchalant way. Then he folded his hands while leaning forward.  
Instinctively Theta's and Koschei's gaze drifted apart as far as possible, Theta's eyes seeking refuge in the marquetry on the floor while Koschei appeared to detect the chandelier's most remarkable attributes while staring upwards.

"Lads, we need to talk."  
 _Lads_. Theta rolled his eyes. Oh dear, he was in _that_ kind of mood again...  
Noting that he hadn't his pupil's attention Borusa sighed.  
"Owing to unfortunate circumstances it prompts me to inform you that both of your behaviours have not only led to an immense amount of letters of complaint, but a spot check, a disease control and an appeal from the humane society as well."  
Koschei sniggered at his last remark. Underneath the desk Theta kicked his shin.

Borusa omitted this tactfully; he steepled his fingers on the desk and went on unimpressed:  
"As you can imagine I'm as unsatisfied as you are."  
He narrowed his eyes on Koschei who had started giggling again.  
"And you'd really do me a favour, Koschei, if you wouldn't sexualize every word I'm saying. And don't worry, the chandelier won't fall on you, I've had it checked before you came in here." Well, you never know your luck, he added to himself. "So will you please stop staring at it?"

Eventually Koschei felt obliged to establish eye contact with Borusa.  
"And if you, sir, wouldn't use fescennine terms all the time it would make matters a lot easier for me," replied Koschei levelly.

"Look," Borusa said, trying to establish order, "You need to get a grip on yourselves, alright? Your grades are disastrous, your teaching staff is either deeply disappointed or furious due to your behaviours, the other faculty members wince at the mentioning of your names and the poor custodian daren't go to the basement boiler room unless armed with a cricket bat with a nail in it. And the headmaster's secretary doesn't file administrative appeals against you two alphabetically; each one of you has a separate shelf labelled 'Public disgrace'. And I'm not saying this as your tutor, you know."  
"Of course not," Koschei chuckled under his breath.  
If looks could kill Borusa would have blown Koschei's skull to smithereens. Nevertheless he managed to proceed in a level voice: "And since you're oblivious to the aforesaid accusations and complaints I feel impelled to read them to you one by one. Hopefully this will produce the painful expression of what a nuisance you are."

"For Kasterborous' sake, no!"Theta heard himself babbling. Aware of Borusa's stern gaze and Koschei sniggering beside him he added meekly: "Please don't; it will take hours."  
Inevitably, after falling silent again, Theta blushed.

Borusa rearranged the leaves in front of him.  
He cleared his throat audibly.

"Theta-Sigma and Koschei, you're found guilty of..."  
"Here it comes," whispered Koschei while giggling. Again Theta kicked his shin.  
"...repeated nocturnal disturbances together with public indecency, wanton destruction of the Headmaster's property..."  
"That was just _you,_ Koschei," Theta snarled.  
"Yeah, but I wore _your_ clothes while doing it and must have dropped your scarf."

"...Unauthorized possession of explosive devices, contraventions of common decency, cruelty to animals... _extreme_ cruelty to animals..."

"That must have been your 'Guess how big my newly bred rat's gonna be?'-project," Theta whispered.  
"That's not fair," hissed Koschei while darting a side-way glance at Theta, "That wasn't cruel. The rat hasn't suffered in the least way, has it?"  
"No," replied Theta coolly "But the sparrows, two of the accountant's parrots and the one cat it ate _did_ suffer."  
Koschei sniggered. "Either, it's not what I'd call extreme cruelty. At the most it occurred by a cruel twist of fate."  
"You _are_ a cruel twist of fate," snapped Theta.

"...destruction of pollution-control equipment, breach of peace, unasked neutering of the Headmaster's ferret..."  
Borusa paused and peered closer before adding:  
"...Violation of the laws of physics..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" snapped Koschei.  
"You caused the chair of our applied physics instructor to float upside down out of the window," Theta replied through gritted teeth  
"Yeah, and all I said was 'Try me' and wanted to give him a taste of my self-made Gravity Dissipater. Unfortunately I missed."  
"You broke the laws of physics, Kosch" Theta went on.  
Koschei folded his arms. "If they were proper laws they couldn't be broken. That's the way I'd schedule reality."

"...and mindless overestimation of your own capabilities combined with presumptuous self-importance. That about sums it up."  
Borusa lowered his voice while slowly laying down the last sheet of paper. He cast an inquisitive glare over it.  
"Though I could have sworn I did read 'suspected of transmitting dangerous communicable diseases' somewhere."  
Eventually he shrugged before steepling his fingers again. Borusa eyed the two unperturbed students in front of him up with an air of an expert.  
"Anything you'd like to clarify?" he ventured "Or specify? Or, predominantly in Koschei's case, _justify_?"

Koschei chuckled.  
Borusa turned his attention to Koschei while looking him over thoughtfully. It was the smile on his face, he mused later on. It must have been his bold, abysmal grin that caused his blood to run cold.  
But Borusa warded it off by cutting into the silence: "Fine. You'll receive your punishment anyway. And since keeping you in detention usually results in you two brooding over even more devious plans..."  
Here he was interrupted by another chuckle from Koschei,  
"... you're going to spend the time in the Secret Library to re-establish order, which is definitely the more educational penalty since you're account for the scene of destruction it has become."

"That's not fair!" Theta snapped, again astonished at his own obstreperousness, "I wasn't involved in that one! You can't prove it!"  
Borusa gave him a long, resentful stare.  
Eventually Koschei kicked Theta on the shin before leaning over and whispering something into his ear.  
Theta leaned back furiously: "What do you mean you 'lost my other scarf'?!"

"That's a glorious mess you've gotten us into this time, Koschei."  
Theta busied himself with sweeping up the sad remnants of ancient books. The scorched pages that hadn't turned into dust at the 'impact event' now covered what remained of the libraries shelves, desks and chairs.  
The floor, blackened with soot, seemed impregnated with the reek of burnt paper and rotting parchment. Everywhere you trod broken glass crunched under your soles.  
And there were the shreds and frazzles...

Theta couldn't help wondering why only mildly injured staff members had been rescued; either they had been extremely lucky (and, let's face it, with Koschei on the loose you _only_ survive by chance) or, and this made Theta shudder, the Academy Council member's still didn't _know_ whether there have been any fatalities.  
Mind you, students went missing every few weeks. Either out of boredom or anxiety or a fulminating urge to survive... They just disappeared.  
Never to be seen again.  
And Theta had to admit that this made him feel at least a bit uneasy. And he wondered whether his parents would mind him never returning home. They'd probably be happy and very proud of him for quite some years for not receiving a single letter of reprimand, he concluded grudgingly.

"No, they're not stupid. Two months without a single parent alert letter and they know you're dead."  
Koschei erupted from a swept-up pile of pages and grinned at Theta: "That, or they'd come to pay you a visit for hiding your letters of reprimand."

Theta growled and threw his broom at Koschei.  
"Great! You've just ruined half an hour's work."

Koschei, dodging the broomstick, stared down wonderingly.  
"Half an hour?" he repeated, "You really _are_ slow."  
Theta flung his arms around Koschei's neck and gave it a firm squeeze.

"At least I'm trying to make myself useful and establish order!" Theta roared, "I try to sort out the mess you've created! I try to accept the unnecessary harsh punishment you've brought upon both of us! And what do you have to say for yourself?"  
" _I_ didn't try to upset Borusa while we had our little talk," Koschei replied while taking the broomstick and giving the floor another useless sweep.  
"No, you didn't have to," growled Theta while snatching the broom from Koschei's fingers "You already pissed him off by blowing his reference library to smithereens. And you pissed _me_ off by wearing my clothes while committing your dark doings. And you lost my scarf! Again!"

Koschei shrugged while turning his back on Theta. He ran a finger over the grime covered spines of the books that still were closest to 'upright'.  
"I'm afraid it got caught in the impact," Koschei replied levelly "I'll get you a new one."  
"So that you can borrow it from me as soon as you're up to something again?" Theta growled sourly, "No, thanks."

Theta collapsed onto a three-legged sofa in the corner. It creaked ominously.  
"I'll never wear a scarf in my life ever again," he mumbled while wiping his face with soot-blackened fingers. "Why do you always have to take my clothes?"  
"Not always," Koschei nearly cut him off, "'Occasionally' is the word you're looking for. I only wear them at favourable occasions."  
"I know," Theta replied, "You only wear them when you're clumsy enough to leave something behind, which is in fact favourable for _you_."

Theta stared at the singed walls glumly.  
"This room could only be tidied up by burning it to the ground and giving it a fresh start!"  
Eventually his glare met Koschei's busy figure over at the remaining shelves.

"The disaster that occurred here... why is it called 'the Impact'?" Theta asked wonderingly.  
"Because it impacted the entire Secret Library," Koschei replied absent-minded, "In other words it wiped it out."  
"Accidentally?" Theta went on, probing the subject with a long stick as if it were a porcupine.  
"Could be," Koschei said, retrieving a duster from an otherwise stuck shelf, "anyway it was only a simulation."  
"I wouldn't call it a simulation if it razes an appointed room to the ground," replied Theta, "Anyway what exactly were you trying to simulate?"  
"A natural catastrophe," Koschei replied annoyed,  
"Well, I see you succeeded" Theta growled bitterly, "At least in the bit about the catastrophe."

Koschei shook his head and sighed. Omitting his friend's unqualified and reproachful comment he went on: "I gave my new SQUID and SPLASH a test run in this room. Unfortunately the SQUID overheated and the SPLASH's rotor head had been arse about face which resulted in it splashing through the rear window and dashing itself to pieces."  
"Which, I assume, is rather natural for a machinery called 'Splash'," Theta replied while trying to digest what he'd just heard, "You overheated a squid?"

"SQUID as in Superconducting QUantum Interference Device," Koschei rolled his eyes, "And SPLASH is a Steel Panel Light-conductor with an Adductive Soft-radiation Heat-lag. Really Theta, you are an idiot. No wonder your grades are so lousy."

Koschei became aware of the growing silence from the spot where Theta stood. He'd also become aware of the fact that Theta had stopped working while he listened motionless.  
But Koschei wasn't in the mood to curb his tongue.  
And if he'd already upset Theta then he couldn't make it any worse, right?  
Therefore he continued levelly: "I don't even know why I bother talking to you. You know nothing about science and you can seldom follow my explanations. And since it's apparent that I always have to condescend to you I don't know why I'm still attaching importance to your company."

Koschei rummaged through the remnants of a creaking shelf.  
He stopped dead as he felt a warm hand brushing over his thighs before delving into his groin. Theta's lips tickled his ear as he spoke.  
"Because you've always equated dimwittedness with sexiness," he whispered while eagerly fingering every fold he discovered upon Koschei's rapidly tightening clothes.

Koschei turned with his mouth slightly ajar. He caught a glimpse of Theta's seductively half-closed eyes. He shut his mouth in order not to start drooling.  
"Ye Gods, how come you're always this horny?" Koschei asked as Theta's appetent fingers fastened their grip on his throbbing cock through the thick garments he was wearing.  
"It's either that or being mad at you for constantly insulting me," Theta replied while impatiently stripping Koschei off his clothes, "And since you always give me a tongue-lashing let's see how you like my lashing tongue."

Having said that Theta buried his face between Koschei's legs and nibbled at Koschei's pulsating member. Playfully he ran a finger over it, tracing the throbbing veins that protruded from the heated skin.  
"That was a terrible play on words," Koschei managed to groan between gritted teeth.  
"Shut up, I'm horny!" growled Theta before daring Koschei's dick to intrude his throat.  
Tumbling backwards with Theta eagerly sucking on his tender flesh Koschei crashed into the bookshelf behind them, which gave way under the weight of two randy Time Lords.

Moaning and cursing under his breath Theta lunged at Koschei, his mouth pleasing his friend's twitching and hot member while he dug his nails into his thighs, thus pinning him down.  
Koschei, torn between pleasure and pain, buried his fingers in Theta's hair, undecided whether he should push his head away or pull it closer to bury his demandingly throbbing dick in his throat to the hilt.

Theta increased his grip on Koschei's thighs, scratching over the bare skin until he'd elicit a greedy moan as Koschei, still lying on a heap of splintered wood and fragments of books, tried to slip away from the sharp things that stung his back while guiding Theta's voracious lips.  
So they rocked and skidded down the scattered remains of the library without letting go of each other, sensuously licking lips sucking on impatient flesh, a fervent mouth gorging the pounding dick it yearned for.

Eventually Koschei broke free from their ravishing lustfulness, finally managing to make Theta surcease his sorely swollen cock. Theta, aroused and on edge himself, pounced again, unwillingly to release his pleasurable plaything without a fight.  
As they stumbled on, smashing several shelves and other parts of furniture on their way, Koschei succeeded in coming out on top.  
He grabbed Theta's chest brutally before smashing him into the floor, nailing him down and turning his squirming friend beneath him onto his stomach.

Beads of sweat formed on both of their bodies, a lustful moan escaped Theta's lips as he growled and cursed Koschei under his breath. Koschei enjoyed dominating his friend's body; he ran his fingers over Theta's tenderly shivering skin, nails brushing over the most delicate spots, stimulating him by shoving his fingers towards the moister regions.  
Sexually starved as he was, Theta bucked his hips instinctively and lifted his rear end to allow Koschei's manipulating fingers a deeper and more sensual intromission.  
Koschei couldn't bite back a chuckle as he found Theta succumbing unwillingly and desisted from exciting him any further by pulling away his hands, which earned him a frustrated whine from his horny friend underneath.

Koschei's finger's traced a shivering path over Theta's skin before digging into the soft skin above his upper parts of the hip bones. Quickly and without warning Koschei had positioned himself between Theta's trembling legs and thrust.  
Theta's back arched involuntarily as Koschei penetrated him roughly; Theta bit his lower lip in order not to scream and devoted all of his remaining strength to stay on all fours and not collapse under Koschei's weight.  
Hips pumping, Koschei pounded him ruthlessly and buried his swollen cock forcefully in his friends tightening moistness.

Then he stopped.  
Theta beneath him, on fire one moment ago, froze and held his breath.  
Theta didn't even dare to scream as the icy water trickled down his back but he jerked and curled up into a ball, bringing down Koschei in one swift movement.  
Koschei remained as immobile as before, feeling that not only his brain but the rest of his body had been flash-frozen.

Borusa poured out the rest of the water over the two stunned Time Lords before.  
"Cold water usually does the trick..." Borusa mumbled, mostly to himself, while putting down the empty bucket.  
Theta, who regained his composure first, blushed and buried his red-hot face in his arms while curling up tighter. He shivered.

Borusa clapped his hands together while disappearing behind a shelf.  
"Now lads, get up, time's over now. We've got work to do."

And Theta evaded Koschei's unfreezing gaze as he finally got to his feet and started searching for his carelessly discarded clothes.

* * *

 _The Doctor's eyes snapped open. He took a deep breath and coughed, dislodging the water from his lungs.  
Jack patted him on the back.  
"You..." the Doctor managed to pant before coughing and groaning.  
"I'm sorry, Doctor," Jack began "You were explaining about the incomparable beauties of this planet when we reached the only withered trees in this wasteland and you walked right into one of them. I had to run back to the TARDIS to fetch some water. This planet's as dry as a dead Dæmon's dodger, and believe me I _know _what I'm talking about."  
"What?" the Doctor mumbled, his head buzzing and his lungs stinging like mad.  
"Never mind, you probably don't want to hear about it," Jack explained in his usual cheerful voice._

 _The Doctor stared down on his water stained clothes.  
"Where did you... did you find... wha...water...?" the Doctor wheezed. Oceans were roaring in his mind, waves breaking on the insides of his skull.  
Jack squatted down beside him.  
"The TARDIS, Doctor. I brought it all the way from the TARDIS. I thought that might work... You were unconscious for quite some time and... well, I don't know about Time Lords in particular but cold water usually does the trick."_

 _Jack never found out what caused the Doctor to snap. But he stared at him open mouthed as the Doctor snarled:  
"That's what they say, isn't it? But no-one ever told you how painful an involuntary anal muscle spasm after a harsh cold-water-treatment can be when your friend tries to pull out his cock. It's like a damn copulatory tie! So, next time you think twice before pouring a bucket of water over someone!"_

 _The Doctor became aware of Jack staring at him. Also his own words, replayed in his mind, didn't sound as wisely chosen as he'd assumed them to be. And most of all, they suddenly appeared not to appeal to the current situation._

 _Evading Jack's gaze the Doctor mumbled "Whatever," and cursed under his breath.  
He jumped to his feet and headed back into the direction of the TARDIS, but Jack noted that he was blushing nonetheless._


End file.
